I remember you

I remember the warmth of your palm and the coolness of your fingers,
the hot and cold of your hand in mine.
I can picture, still, how you looked away into the night, looked away from me,
Eyes on the dark sea, the rolling waves, the back and forth pull, the nothingness
and how you seemed to see Fear in the pitch black.
The wind in your hair, that look in your eyes
and how you supressed it, and turned to me with a warm smile.
I remember your laughter, of course I do,
but I can't forget its uncertainty -
your pauses, your silences, your forced smiles.
I remember your quiet singing of some song I've forgotten the name of, some tune that rings in my ears even now.
I remember your silhouette, your profile, your eyes never meeting mine. Your light steps, your soft footprints that never led towards me.

What I don't remember are the stars, the lights, the city, the beach, the swirl of the sand around us. Not the sound of the waves or people's footsteps or the distant cars on the main road.
Not the colour of your eyes, the arch of your brows or whether or not you had freckles. Not the feel of your lips on my lips, on my cheek, my forehead. Not the warmth of your arms around me, not how you fit into my embrace.

Just the emptiness your presence left, your distracted attention and the distance between your heart and mine.

_